fall

This semester has definetly been a crazy one.  I have been wanting to write a post for a while now and now I finally have the words saved up for what I want to say.  I'll start with the bad then end with the good.

Someday they'll find your small town world on a big town avenue. Gonna make you like the way they talk when they're talking to you. Gonna make you break out of your shell
cuz they tell you to. Gonna make you like the way they lie better than the truth. They'll tell you everthing you wanted someone else to say, They're gonna break your heart, yeah.

I trust people way too much.  In my mind, everybody should be kind and everybody would do a nice gesture just because they're going through a rough time.  Sadly this is not the case.  One of my best friends introduced this song to me this past week and ever since it has been on repeat.  She said, as I sat crying on the couch over another misdeed, another bad mistake, another kaity moment, that this song reminded her of me.  And as I read the lyrics, I couldn't help but think that she was right.  I never think that anybody is lying to me, or that they would do something selfish or mean to me out of spite but I have found all that out the hard way this semester. You can't trust everybody and you're gonna have rough times ahead. 
Hearing things you don't want to hear sucks and hearing some of your dreams go down the drain sucks even more.  Maybe it was your dream job, your dream future, your dream guy or even just to freaking belong.  Whatever it is, it sucks when you have to let go of it and move on and try to figure something out.  Maybe its leading you to a differnt path though and I always think back to that saying that says "everything happens for a reason" because after this semester I fully believe it.  When I couldnt get into the education program for a second time, I cried and bawled like a baby for a week straight. Did any of those tears, sobbing, thoughts of me being useless help me? Hell no. They made everything worse.  I met with people though, countless, and tried to get help.  I figured that I can make this into a better situation by minoring in history, which is a subject I love but I had given up on because it doesn't do anything.
I guess what i'm just trying to say is that even if it doesn't work out how you think or if you made a mistake or if you got your heart ripped out and stomped on, to never EVER give up because it might lead to something better.  Do I feel 100% better? No.  And do I still feel regret and like a freaking idiot? Yes. But its better knowing that I made the mistake and I know how it feels now then to go on living my life not learning anything. 

Somebody oughta take you in, Try to make you love again, Try to make you like the way they feel when they're under your skin. Never once do you think that they would lie when they're holding you. Then you wonder why they haven't called when they said they'd call you. You'll start to wonder if you're ever gonna make it by. You'll start to think you were born blind. From what I've seen you're just one more hand me down cuz no one's tried to give you what you need, So lay all your troubles down, I am with you now

 This song sometimes makes me feel like a complete idiot.  I'll leave this part blank because I don't know how I feel about anything involving love anymore.  I love my GOD, I love my family, I love my friends but when it comes to a relationship with a guy, I can't get it right.  Leave it to endless phonecalls remaining unanswered, mind games galore and guys popping out of the woodwork for me to lose faith in it all. I can't do this to myself anymore, and i've pretty much tapped out. I haven't lost complete faith though cause I still cry like a baby back bitch when it comes to romantic comedies and dramas.  I know its out there, I'm just tired of swimming and i'm in need of a break.

I'm here for the hard times, The straight to your heart times. When living ain't easy you can stand up against me And maybe rely on me And cry on me, yeah

This is where this entry gets more happy.  With the bad always comes the good and I seriously have had one of the most KICK ASS semesters ever. Here we go.

1) My saucer. I'm not sure what I would do without her.  She is my best friend, she makes me laugh when all I want to do is ugly cry.  She is always there to talk, no matter how stupid of a situation it is.  She is there for me when I want to celebrate and when I just want to give up.  She is there for me when I cry about having a family live 14 hours away and completely understands when I tell her I just need to have a good time.  Sauce, you are more beautiful than cinderella. You smell like pine needles and have a face like sunshine.  You da best.

2) Sig Tau. Some of you may know it, some of you may not.  You boys are my brothers.  You make me laugh so hard and never judge me not matter what.  Each and every one of you I am thankful to have in my life.  You tell me to go out and have a good time and are right there to celebrate.  Then you can turn around when I have a horrible day and let me vent and cry and tell me I look gorgeous when I cry even though I cried all of my makeup off.  The spontaneous sleepovers, karaoke nights, hockey games, zombie marathons, pancakes, spud games, and dollar bills.  I do not regret any of it.  I would not be the woman today if I hadn't met any of you.  You have taught me numerous lessons (both useful and not) and I hope you know how much it means to me to not only be your white rose, but to call my relationship with you the best I have ever had. So thank you.

3) Little Indian.  You are the best roommate.  You fold my laundry when its in the dryer, let me cook grilled cheese and watch spongebob and are always there to talk and listen.  You never ever ever judge me on our countless heart to hearts or RSSOE nights. (You better catch that reference) You let me make indian references toward you and then you make german references toward me.  I love our friendship and i'm glad we have another semester together at the schwastey fish bowl.

4) Reamsicle. Another addition.  We don't have friends, we have eachother.  Mainly because we are all freaking insane and quote mean girls and bridesmaids a million times a day.  YOu rock my world sunshine and I cannot wait for the many adventures that lie ahead.  BTW that is such a cute skirt where did you get it?

5) My littles.  They rock my world.  They make me want to become a better woman and I am proud of each and every one of them.  They are AMAXING no matter what anybody else thinks and the talks we have are some of the best I have had with anybody.  love you little bears.

There are so many aweosme people in my life, but at the rate this entry is going, you probably don't want to read another 100 pages.  Fall 2011 was awesome.  Spring 2012 is going to be even better. SO WATCH OUT.