"People have scars. In all sorts of unexpected places. Like secret roadmaps of their personal histories. Diagrams of all their old wounds. Most of our wounds heal, leaving nothing behind but a scar. But some of them don't. Some wounds we carry with us everywhere and though the cut's long gone, the pain still lingers"--Grey's AnatomyI was walking out the education building today on campus when I realized this. We all have scars, no matter how hard we hide them, they're still there when you wash off the makeup or shed the layers of clothes.
No matter what you will always carry this scar, and being college students, we become vulnerable to everything around us especially when we hurt. Any little thing could become a trigger for you. It could be a song on the radio, turning in a paper for a class, or just eating lunch. It sneaks up on you and you can't shake it for the rest of the day. You wish you could tell it to go away, but it won't. It just sits there staring at you, waiting for you to react.
Its the reaction to this trigger that scares a lot of us I think. The scars I have are on my heart for a reason. I have a hard time trusting people. Trusting their word, trusting their compliments and their good deeds because if I have learned anything in the past 6 years from my "friends", its that when you need them most, they won't be there or will completely rain on your parade and all you wanted was a cute pair of rainboots and an umbrella.
I try to not think about those parts of my past. I try not to think about who I let it get to me again, but it always does and you know what? It always will, thats what sucks. You want to scream out to the world and say exactly how you felt at that VERY moment. You think that you are okay and try to put yourself in situations where you can possibly get through it, but it never fails. The anxiety kills you and you get back to where you start.
but it doesn't have to be like this.
You can get through this. Those scars that you have, they are proof that you got through it. They are there to show you that you can do anything. When you first got it, you thought you would never get through it; that it was one of the hardest things,; but here you are. YOU are still standing. I am still standing here. YOU don't understand, so don't undermine me and treat me like i'm 18 years old again.
It's okay to fall down sometimes. You may get scrapes on your knees. They may bleed. Maybe you need stitches.
The important thing isn't that you fell down, and its not about how big your scar is.
The important thing is that you got back up and kept going.
