real life isn't in a movie or a magazine.

I was thinking today about appearance and beauty and how important it is to a woman. Guys really have no idea what kind of things a girl thinks during the day and how tough it is to just be a girl.  I never really got into a huge fit about my body as a teen to be honest.  Well actually thats a lie.  Back when I was a freshman in hs, I wanted to actually have a butt, some boobs and not look like a freaking stick.  Still shopping in the kids section casue of that in between stage where nothing fits in juniors and the clothes in the children's department are really dorky lavender prints with fucking butterflies all over them.  Also didn't help that I lived in Germany and the only real  clothes you could get were from the limited selection at the BX.  Going off base and shopping was always an option but had the same issues.  
There was no intense overnight change that happened, I just kinda grew I guess.  Didn't really notice.  I'm a late bloomer in all parts of my life I feel and thats okay but when you're 14 years old and all the other girls have actual boobs and stuff, it takes a toll on a girl's self esteem.
All of this I thought about today after i read an article in an old Glamour magazine about how 97% of women think a bad thought about their body 13 times a day. 97%!!!! That's insane! If a guy were to come up to me and say some of the things I think about my body to my face, I would punch him.  But somehow its okay if I say it to myself.  That isn't okay. 
Now at 21 (in a week. I know. I'm excited too.) , I have boobs,  i have a butt, and i'm still unhappy with my body. 7 years later, I feel like i'm still in that dressing room saying dude this looks utterly horrible. 
This summer I have made it my mission to fix myself and this aspect is no difference.  I need to stop hating on my body and love it.  Whether I like it or not, I have the butt and the thighs every woman in my family has and there is no getting rid of them.  Instead, I should love them and crack a joke about it. And now I love it. It's kind of hard to explain.  Whenever I see this quote, I laugh cause its so true.

I love you with all my butt. I would say heart, but my butt is bigger.

Today I was thinking also about makeup.  Guys, you have no idea how expensive makeup is.  Its stupid expensive.  IT breaks my heart whenever I see purple eyeliner but its 15 bucks. That just sucks, cause who doesn't love purple eyeliner?  But  anyway, I was thinking about makeup and couldn't remember the last time I went out of the house without makeup on.  And although I absolutely love makeup, I couldn't tell if I didn't go out without makeup on because I was so self conscious or because I was lazy.  I was self conscious.  I pride myself on the fact that I never go out  with sweats and even on my bad days, I have at least jeans on and a hoodie with some foundation.  I went out today for the first time in a VERY long time without makeup on.  And I felt great. I don't need makeup, because I look great how I am. And that's not me trying to sound conceited, I just feel like I should be comfortable in the skin I am in first before I cover it up.   So now I am wearing less makeup than I usually do and I think I actually look better without a whole bunch of crap.  Although I refuse to give up any of my makeup because its all so pretty and sparkly and shiny and fun to put on, its nice to know that I'm comfortable now and not as self conscious as I was.


I'm pretty proud of all these positive thoughts that I am happy, especially in what is one of the most stressful times of the year.  Thanks for the encouragement guys, and wish me luck for the rest of this journey. :]